I am as confused as hell what I'd be or where I'd be in the future. I was only sure of one thing though and that was I was so sure that you'd be there, whatever or wherever that future is.
Now, my future is just a blur.
We had a plan, or I thought I had a plan. We both would graduate from different universities, we eventually would come together after 5 years and we both would say that we beat the odds. We could just kick the butts of all those who said that we'd never make it through, but I guess they were right. I should have known my plans were just too good, too ideal, to be true.
Plans change. People change. We changed, we weren't an exemption. You and I used to have long happy talks, but then I one day I couldn't hear you anymore. All I could hear was a stranger talking to me at the other end and I guess I sounded the same for you. Somehow, we became indifferent. Somewhere, and I can't pinpoint when, we stopped caring.
It was five, yes, FIVE, years of my life. Let me grieve for it for a while. Let me just cry. Let me rearrange my life. Leave me alone and let me map up a new path that I could somehow convince myself to crawl into. I have always said that I'd be okay without you to anyone who'd ask "What if you break up?". I always shrugged off that question in my mind because I was confident it would never happen. Was confident. Now I'm starting to realize I wasn't and I was more of like scared to even consider it. And I am still scared.
You were, you are and you always will be, my first love. I sound so corny, but it is true. And it hurts, because I loved, I love, you so much. Whoever says that parting from a long relationship is easy is either the most insensitive b*tch in the world or lying.
I know there's still more for me out there. I'm not going to bury myself in hurt and despair forever. But, just as what I have said, let me just grieve for awhile. Let me just take a moment, a day or two (maybe even a week, a month?), to get this over with. I promise I'd find a way to make my life right again.
--
WOW. I was browsing my unpublished posts here on my blog and I found this. I guess I was really hurt that time. Ang OA mo lang te. I can't believe I was that dramatic. HAHA.
And, oh, we did not break up. We are as happy as ever. <3
You were, you are and you always will be, my first love. I sound so corny, but it is true. And it hurts, because I loved, I love, you so much. Whoever says that parting from a long relationship is easy is either the most insensitive b*tch in the world or lying.
I know there's still more for me out there. I'm not going to bury myself in hurt and despair forever. But, just as what I have said, let me just grieve for awhile. Let me just take a moment, a day or two (maybe even a week, a month?), to get this over with. I promise I'd find a way to make my life right again.
--
WOW. I was browsing my unpublished posts here on my blog and I found this. I guess I was really hurt that time. Ang OA mo lang te. I can't believe I was that dramatic. HAHA.
And, oh, we did not break up. We are as happy as ever. <3
Always the drama queen,
Kim
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